Ileana Dimitriu

Transition/ Expatriate Coach

“It’s not the changes that do us in. It’s the transitions.” (William Bridges)

Do you know that sinking feeling upon entering an empty house, or reaching the end of a road? That sense of an ending.  Maybe you have just come out of a long-term relationship?  Or your children have left home? Maybe you have received an unexpected health diagnosis, or you have recently retired?  

If you relate to any of this, you are not alone, and help is on its way.  Millions are silently battling feelings of disconnect in the wake of an external disruption to their life. While changes are events often not in our control, it is possible to control the way we emotionally transition from one stage of life or career, to another. Transitions are inner processes of gradual adjustments to one’s old sense of self and core beliefs, and successful transitions require consistent inner work and commitment.  To navigate transitions, we certainly need to draw on our emotional intelligence (EQ), but do we know enough about transitional intelligence (TQ)? 

Why choose me as your coach?

I am a certified ‘Transition Q’ coach with the Modern Elder Academy, and also hold a certification with Results Coaching Systems (ICF-accredited). Through these training programmes and drawing on my life experience, I have developed a blended approach to transition coaching.   

A few words about my transition journey.  After a university career spanning three decades, I have in recent years turned to coaching, while building on skills developed during my academic career, which has always included aspects of mentoring and coaching, goal-setting and personal development for many generations of students. I have a PhD and continue to be active as a researcher.   

And yes, in my private life, too, I have navigated several stages of change and transition. In my mid-thirties, I emigrated from Europe to South Africa, an experience that has brought with it many wonderful life lessons, but also the anxieties of new beginnings: ‘culture shock’, divorce, single parenthood, caring for and separation from ailing parents, a new significant relationship, empty nest and retirement.  I’m deeply attuned to the challenges of adjusting to and living in mindsets of transition, which has prompted me to help people integrate the lessons of life-changing disruptions. 

How to build TQ (Transitional Intelligence)? 

Unprecedented social ruptures at global level in recent years have prompted various thought leaders world-wide to dedicate their research to developing special personal skills for navigating transitions. The US-based Modern Elder Academy (MEA) is one such organization that mainly addresses adults in the second half of life. Steeped in positive psychology and neuro-science, the recently coined ‘TQ’ refers to the internal process of relating to external disruption through a carefully selected package of skills for facilitating the integration of change into our lives.  

As a certified ‘Transition Q’ coach, I will hold space for you to reconnect with your inner wisdom as you confront external changes that may impact your inner world.  I can meet you wherever you may find yourself in the process of transition. 

Together we will explore the circumstances of change in your life, and – depending on whether you are facing the bewilderment of endings, the disquiet of the ‘no longer, but not yet here’, or the anxieties of the unfamiliar new ground – we will explore ways of navigating each stage, as necessary. 

1. Sense of an Ending
   The journey of navigating transitions typically starts with a rupture (divorce, empty nest, retirement, health diagnosis), and signals that the old familiar ground is slipping from under our feet.  Endings demand our acceptance of the need to bring closure to something that is not within our power to change back to its earlier state. While learning to face the inevitability of change, we also need to grow into gradually accepting that this may take more time than anticipated, and that it therefore requires patience and commitment to inner work.

2. States of in-betweenness: ‘no longer around, and not yet here’
   After the shock of the initial change or loss, there is disorientation: the trusted signposts of the familiar are not here anymore. There is a mixture of emotions. A common feeling is an impatient desire for the certainty of a predictable future, accompanied by discomfort, numbing or stagnation.   How does one balance the need to release the old with the search for the new?   Learning to release what no longer serves us (beliefs, roles, routines, expectations) may take more time than anticipated. Deepening work one one’s inner life, therefore, becomes an essential focus at this stage: with patience and perseverance, reflection and reframing of old beliefs.

3. Renewal of Purpose
   Inevitably, there will be a crack in the darkness, with new energy and purposefulness emerging.   People learn how to cultivate curiosity and wonder about ‘what’s next’;  how to reframe the insecurities of exploring new territory;  how to lean into becoming ‘comfortable with being uncomfortable’ in the face of the unfamiliar; how to appreciate small achievements and glimmers of trust in new potential.               

 If you feel lost in the maze of transition, what can coaching do for you?   

If you resonate with any of the above, coaching might be what you need.  I am here to facilitate your taking charge of your inner transition, as you navigate external change.  

• I’ll support you through the various stages of transition. From coming to terms with endings to being ready for new beginnings. From letting go, to being in-between, to letting be.
• We’ll ‘trek’ together through your thoughts and feelings about life or career changes.  I’ll facilitate an increase in awareness of choices and provide a fresh perspective on your issue: entirely judgment-free. 
• I’ll listen for attitudes that do not support you, based on where you intend to go, and will reflect back to you where your strengths might go unnoticed.

Throughout, I shall ‘hold the space’ for you, so that you can explore the perceptions, emotions, and old beliefs that might be holding you back from progress. The aim of coaching is to get you from where you are to where you aspire to be, by gently guiding you to your own strengths and insights.

Complimentary first session

During an obligation-free session, either online, by WhatsApp video, or face-to-face (if you live in Durban), you will have the opportunity to find out more about how the coaching process works, and whether you wish to give coaching a chance.