Soraya Matthews

Certified Transformation Coach, Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Emotional Therapy Practitioner.

Fresnaye, Cape Town

Current BSc (Hon) Psychology


Fresnaye, Cape Town, South Africa

Have you ever been driving…you leave your house. And then when you look again you’re about to turn into the street you wanted to be on. But you don’t remember stopping at the STOP sign. And you don’t remember taking that first left turn. Or the second right.  You’re just where you are supposed to be. But you don’t remember how you got from point A to point B.

That’s your subconscious mind. It goes into an autopilot mode because when you decided you were leaving point A, you told it where you want to go. It knew how to get there. It knew which road to take.

And your conscious mind switched off for a little while and you still got where you needed to be.

That’s how easy it is for us to go into autopilot mode.

Now is there some kind of unhappiness or hurt that you are having to deal with? Work? Your relationship? Your family? Do you have regrets about where your life has ended up? Are you confused as to how things have ended up where they are?  You don’t know what and when things went wrong.

Line up your list of things that upset, annoy, irritate, anger and disappoint you.

You go into overwhelm. And the brain says I need to protect you because this is all getting to be too much. Too much upheaval, too much pain, too much disappointment, too much insecurity. Too much!!!

Numbing is a protective mechanism. It’s similar to what happened when you were driving from point A to point B. You don’t have to feel the pain anymore. You don’t have to feel the disappointment anymore. You can work and operate and get on with your day and you’re good.

You think you’ve built up really thick skin. You think that you’ve become immune to peoples nastiness. You think you’re a kind person because somebody asked you to do their work and you said ok. You’re thoughtful and considerate because you work, come home and make supper and nobody says thank you and it doesn’t bother you.

You’ve flipped your switch.

You’re operating on autopilot. You’ll get what you need done – no doubt. People around you will be happy – no doubt. You won’t have to feel overwhelmed. No doubt!

But you won’t experience joy. You won’t experience true happiness. You won’t experience true fulfilment.

And I don’t say this because I want to bring you down.

But when you flip the switch you can’t keep half the lights on. It’s not a backup generator. You can’t choose which lights you want on and which you’re going to switch off.

When you make the unconscious decision to switch off. It all goes off. And left too long that way makes it harder to pull back.

So what can be done to correct this?

Firstly if you’re reading this and what I’ve said so far has resonated with you, then you’ve taken the first step. You want to understand why this is happening. You want to understand what’s going on. That’s the first step. Acknowledging.

The next step is deciding you want something different for yourself.

And I want to tell you that it can be different. Why? Because I’ve been there and I know the difference.

Because I made a decision to want something different for myself and I have it.

To put as much effort into myself as I’ve put into others.

It isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. And you deserve it. And I’ll tell you the best part of it all. You’ll be happier giving. Giving of your time, your energy, your smile, your hug. Whatever it is you want to give to the people around you – will get easier.

And the best part. You’ll be happier.

I’m not sure when we decided that life had to be hard on us to think we deserve better. Or when we started comparing our hardship to somebody else’s. Thinking that if their life is hard how can we complain. It isn’t a competition. It’s just the life you’ve been given and you get to choose how you want to live it.

Ok, yes let’s go there now. You get to choose. Yes I know. Somewhere along the way you forgot that you could make this decision on your own. That wanting something better for yourself meant somebody else was going to suffer.

Your kids or spouse for attention. Supper on the dinner table or I don’t know, who’s face or name or what activity is popping into your head right now?

I’ll tell you what happened to me one day. My son turned to me as I was laughing at something funny and he said, “Mum I’ve never seen you laugh like this before!”

Never!!! I smiled but my heart broke.

And that’s the difference. You choose to live a life different to the one I described above and see the impact on the ones you love around you.

The difference will be simple. The difference will be YOU!

What my clients say:

“Soraya has made me feel that it’s human to have needs and not be ashamed to share this. She has helped me find my shy and scared voice and helped me understand where along the way I lost it. She has MOST IMPORTANTLY taught me not to feel guilty and ashamed of who I am and to learn to accept that I am not perfect and that too is ok as long as I try my best and I am true to myself. To understand that some people are not always ready to listen because they aren’t in the same space of understanding. She has given me the confidence to say NO and recognise and draw my boundaries. I carry less guilt that I have let my children down or my husband or my siblings. I can listen and not get emotionally tagged. She has helped me find my lost voice and that has liberated me.” – FK –

“Because of her knowledge from her own heart space, Soraya knows when to dive deeper, she knows when she’s not getting the authentic answer, she knows when there’s more to it.” – KS –

“Soraya is very inspirational. She has helped me put things into perspective. She’s able to grasp what I’m feeling and understanding but just not accepting. She helps me verbalise it and outwardly acknowledge it.” – FH –